20 Things To Know When Someone is Greiving

"20 Things To Know When Someone is Greiving" is going to be a book by Alicia King. It is a book about grief. A collection of what to do and say when you don't know where to start. Full of beautiful ways to honor someone's memory or reach out to someone who is suffering a loss. The book shares ideas for what to say, how to help, ways to pay tribute, and what NEVER to say to someone who is grieving.
Alicia just got a book deal with Turner Publishing's Trade Paper Press. Her book will be part of their Good Things To Know series and will be out by Christmas 2010. She recently featured "A Blending of Bittersweet Memories" in her blog.
To learn more about Alicia and things to know when grieiving, check out her blog and twitter page at:

http://dosanddontsofgrief.blogspot.com
http://twitter.com/thegrieflady

And, I may be quoted in the book ;)


Below is something that I shared with Alicia. It is an after loss credo that one of my mother's friends gave to me after she passed. It really hit me and I thought it explained perfectly how I felt. I pass it on when the devastating loss of a loved one occurs.

The After Loss Credo
I need to talk about my loss.
I may often need to tell you what happened
Or ask you why it happened
Each time I discuss my loss, I am helping myself face the reality of the death of my loved one.

I need to know that you care about me.
I need to feel your touch, your hugs.
I need you just to be with me.
(And I need to be with you.)
I need to know that you believe in me
And in my own ability to get through my grief
In my own way. (And in my own time.)

Please don’t judge me now-
Or think that I’m behaving strangely.
Remember I’m grieving.
I may even be in shock.
I may feel afraid. I may feel deep rage.
I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt.
I’m experiencing pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before.
Don’t worry if you think I’m getting better
And then suddenly I seem to slip backward.
Grief makes me behave this way at times.
And please don’t tell me you “know how I feel.”
Or that it’s time for me to get on with my life.
(I’m probably saying that to myself.)

What I need now is time to grieve and recover.
Most of all, thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for helping, for understanding.
Thank you for praying for me.

And remember, in the days or years ahead,
After your loss – when you need me
As I have needed you – I will understand.
And then I will come and be with you.

Barbara Hills LesStrang